How to Fall Off a Ladder

by Marcus Lindley

A Typical Ladder Scenario

So there I was - hands shaking, sweat pouring from my brow, a flimsy stapler or hammer or screwdriver ( I can't even remember anymore...) dangling from my free hand, and me - dangling atop a 24 foot ladder attempting to improve my home in some small but now meaningless way. With every miniscule shudder of my upper body, the towering creaky old ladder would le-e-e-a-a-n several arm-lengths to one side, then pause for a few terrifying seconds while I flailed about trying to right the ladder, keep my balance, clutch my tools and hold my bladder. What was I doing up here, anyways?

Ah yes... lights. Those terribly important Christmas lights. Late November just wouldn't be the same without struggling with tangled burnt-out LED's on our adventerous old ladder.

The earth seems cold and distant from these dizzying heights, I thought nervously as a lone eagle screeched somewhere far below me. With the lights in one hand, the clamps in the other, and a stapler in another, I somehow managed to string 3 feet of lights across the top of the roof - when the impossible happened...

The ladder pushed away from the house! Creaking loud and long the ladder had itself in an almost perfectly vertical position for a few brief moments. Clawing desperately at thin air I abandoned my tools and reached out for anything I could find. Grasping the string of lights, I grabbed them and attempted to pull myself in as the ladder leaned backwards with all its strength. The staples securing the lights began popping out of the roof in short staccato bursts like machine gun fire as I tried desperately to pull myself back towards the house.

It was when the last staple slowly began to wriggle its way out of the roof that the thought occured to me - my ladder is trying to kill me!

Hurtling toward the earth at backward breakneck speed, I held on tightly to the rungs of the ladder, not fully realizing that it wanted me to hold on, it wanted to crush me under its mammoth weight. Whatever aerial acrobatics I pulled off, I suddenly found myself tumbling through the air - safely away from the ladder.

I crashed headlong into a row of current bushes beside the house with scrapes, bruises, broken body parts and a hurt ego. When I finally came to my senses, I peered cautiously towards the long menace, which now looked as if it had settled gracefully on a pile of leaves on the lawn. "I've got to get a better ladder!" I murmed to myself.

For a brief second, I thought I heard the ladder give a short creeaak!, but that's just when I passed out, so now I'll never know for sure.

A Big Idea for a Little Giant

The above scenario is, of course a true story - with a slight touch of embellishment perhaps. Ok so none of its even remotely true (what was your first clue?) But the main point is this - the three most typical downfalls of your average ladder are: 1) it wobbles at the slightest provocation; 2) you'll need extra appendages to keep your balance, hold your tools and do any real work on it; and 3) you'll soon acquire what's known as "swayback", meaning that you'll need to contort your upper torso unnaturally in order to work on roofs, windows, awnings or gutters while keeping yourself safely upright.

And what that all boils down to is this: ladders are easy to fall from.

But rather than swearing off (or at!) ladders, you now have a smarter, safer alternative. The makers of the Little Giant Ladder System claim to have desiged a safer, smarter ladder. In fact, the whole idea behind The Little Giant Ladder is that it will replace all your other ladders. That's a pretty tall order for one little ladder.

Imagine the Possibilities

Talking about the technical aspects of a typical ladder is actually pretty boring. I mean really, what more could there be to a ladder besides rungs, rails and a cross-beam? Well, when we're talking about the Little Giant Ladder... lots! The Little Giant Ladder has wide leg extensions that snap on securely to the base of either end of the frame - meaning that it will not only support your ever widening turkey waist, but it won't even think about wobbling (or pushing away from houses - ahem!).

Additionally, you'll be able to contort your ladder in nearly any manner you choose, thanks to the massive heavy duty locking hinges used throughout its construction. What good does this do you? Well for starters, stair case projects are no longer a death-defying feat (how boring is that, now?).

Need an extension ladder? No problem. Move the spring clips on the sides of the ladder to adjust the leg extensions and add several more feet. Need a second ladder in a pinch? No sweat. Detach the two leg extensions and clamp then togther and voila!, a second mini a-frame!

But probably the most important aspects of the Little Giant Ladder are the things it doesn't do. It doesn't sway sideways when you're on top of it (thanks to the wide leg base). It doesn't buckle under stress and strain - unless you and your cargo happen to weigh over 1,000 pounds. And it doesn't have those dreaded hinged cross beams, meaning it's more versatile, configurable, and safer.

And that's just the base model.

Accessories from Heaven

There are some things in this life you just shouldn't do. You shouldn't go through life without watching a Cubs game at Wrigley Field. You shouldn't pass up the opportunity to watch "Pay It Forward" with Kevin Spacey (crying is optional). And you absolutely must not under any circumstances buy the Little Giant Ladder... without the cool accessories!

Come on, a ladder needs accessories? No. It doesn't need them. But your appreciation for the Little Giant Ladder will grow every time you snap on the Wing Span to the top rung so you can hang those lights without breaking into a nervous sweat. The Wing Span places the ladder just slight away (instead of leaning flush) so that you can actually reach things without losing your balance.

Ever struggled to get a can of paint and brushes situated on a ladder so you could do some painting? This little feat of bravery is child's play when you've attached the work platform that swings out to hold all your tools and paints while you find the perfect position to paint from.

And finally, (and this one is really a no brainer) how about a ladder leveller for all those uneven places in your back yard? What? A ladder leveller? Seriously, even if you decide to pass on work platform and the Wing Span, you shouldn't pass on this one. In fact, why this isn't on every ladder is beyond me. The optional ground leveller is really just a clamp on beam that attaches to the base and compensates for uneven surfaces, but it adds much more security and stability to an already impressively safe ladder.

"Gotcha's!"

So, if all this is so great... then what's the catch. I mean, there has to be one, right?

Actually there are two "gotcha's" to owning the Little Giant Ladder. First, is the weight factor. If you're expecting this to feel like your typical 7 foot aluminum a-frame ladder you'll be surprised. There is a cost to all this ingenuity and super-safe construction - and that cost is the weight. But don't worry, it's not like you'll be lugging around a metal scaffold or anything. But it does weigh more than your typical ladder, so bear that in mind.

And second, there's the greed factor. The Little Giant Ladder is available in 3 different sizes, but don't get greedy or you'll regret it. I mean, do you really need the huge 21 foot ladder (remember, it does weigh a bit more than you're used to) for your big empty yard and your one storey house? Probably not. Don't bite off more than you can chew with this one. Most people can get by with the small or medium sized ladders for nearly all their handy-man needs. Unless of course you plan on scaling some telephone poles.

The Moral of the Story

Is the Little Gaint Ladder right for you? Absolutely! Will it really replace all my other ladders? It might, if you only have one or two others to begin with. Do I really need to have the accessories with it? Again, probably. There is so much more to be gained that you'll wonder why you ever used anything else. And finally, is there anything I need to be aware of? Yes. You need to be aware that it is slightly heavier than a typical ladder, but that's exactly why it's the safest, most versatile ladder on the planet. And of course, it won't hurtle you to the ground while hanging this year's Christmas lights.
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Marcus Lindley is a freelance writer and is a regular contributor
for Wing-Ladders@Blogger.com. You may visit the site at:
http://wing-ladders.blogspot.com__________________________________